For some reason, things get a little slippery for me around anniversaries. Many people have told me that they have the same issue. Not sure what it is. I’m coming up on my two year anniversary on May 28th. God willing, I will have made it 730 days, one day at a time, without a drink. Why, when I can practically taste the sweetness of my accomplishment, would I even entertain the thought of picking up a drink now? Is it easier to sabotage my own success than have to worry about continuing the daily battle?
So back to where I was…scared, doubtful and uncertain. What helps now is going back to basics. One day at a time. If I have to, one hour at a time. Remembering all the things in my life that are so much better now that I am sober. Thinking about the stupid mistakes I made when I was drinking. Remembering how good I feel now, physically and emotionally, and how bad I felt before sobriety (I’m gonna call it B.S.). I don’t want to go back to B.S.. Often when a new year is approaching, people create “In and Out” lists—what is going out of style and what is coming in for the approaching year. So here is my in and out list, or B.S. vs. A.S. list:
Which list do you think looks better? Whether it’s two years, two decades or two hours of sobriety, what separates us is only one second. The second before we pick up a drink or not. So in that one single second, pray that you are weak enough. That’s my plan.
I guess it’s kind of like “The monkey’s off your back but the circus has come back to town?” I experienced some of the same feelings near my third year anniversary. Good news is that it passes and more AS goodness fills your life. I totally get the weak part as you described so well. Love the lists also. Great piece Atta Girl.
Love you, Christy